Following is my monthly column that appears in the print Catholic Post. I invite your feedback here, or elsewhere online.
In May, I like to focus on books that could potentially make
great Mother’s Day gifts. But
while I love to read all sorts of parenting books, I hesitate long and hard
before recommending them. There
are just so many varied ways to be a great Catholic parent.
Fortunately, The
Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Motivate, Discipline and Love Your Children by
Art & Laraine Bennett is not a parenting book. Rather, it’s an explanation of the classical four
temperaments, and how to work with those temperaments to have the best possible
relationship with your kids, whatever your parenting style. I truly enjoyed this book, and the
Bennetts’ no-nonsense, kind approach to working with your child’s-and your
own-temperament .
The Bennetts write not just as counselors, but fellow
parents. They have written two
previous Temperament books, but I
think this is their most mature effort.
You can easily glean your own temperament, as well as that of your loved
ones, by reading this book (and taking the one-page back-of-book temperament quiz).
Briefly, the four temperaments are: choleric (strong-willed
& determined); melancholic (quiet & introspective); sanguine (eager & sociable);
and phlegmatic (cooperative & peaceful).
When I strong-armed encouraged every member of our
family to complete the quiz, I found that our temperaments were pretty much as
expected. Most helpful, though,
was learning how these temperaments interact in a positive or negative way, and
suggestions for a different way of looking at my role as a mom. That means I treat a melancholic child
differently than a sanguine or choleric child, all within my own parenting
style.
The Bennets write: “Parents will find it far easier to help
their children grown emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually when they
build on their children’s natural
strengths.” Amen to that.
Once you understand your temperament and those of your kids
(and spouse), you will be nodding along with the chapters describing slightly
different you might want to parent, and also nodding along with their sage
advice.
Those who know me are aware that when it comes to
parenting/self-help books, I am a great fan of the numbers types of books—the
five love languages, the seven habits of happy families, and the like. What’s different—and better—about The
Temperament book is the Bennett’s Catholic sensibility. They promote knowing about the
temperament in order to work with nature, instead of prescribing a “one size
fits all” parenting philosophy.
I also especially loved the chapter “Growing in Virtue”
which lists the virtues that come easy to each of the temperaments and ones
that “need work.” Having that
information is so helpful in helping our children reach their full potential.
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