Worth a Listen: Demand Your Dignity

Normally, I share here great songs that are inspiring, uplifting and/or are otherwise "worth a listen."  Today, it's this video.  Awesome! 

Take two minutes to watch this, and then share it with a young person you know. 

Not Far from the Kingdom of God?

I have a Facebook friend (he's the husband of a delightful local friend, both with terrific senses of humor), who has a guiltily funny meme going whenever a celebrity dies.  Here's a basic example:  when Leslie Nielsen died, said friend posted a photo of Liam Neeson and writes as a caption, "Leslie Nielsen, you will be missed."

The comments at first (and even now) can be part of the fun, as friends write, "Hey, I think you've got the wrong person."  Etc.  Much silliness in the comments usually ensues, and some are much more guilty pleasures than others.

I happened to see the couple at a gathering late last week.  I confided in them that my first thought (instead of a prayer for the repose of her soul) when discovering that Helen Gurley Brown (HGB), the longtime editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, had died, was thinking, "I wonder whose photo for her will be on (friend's) Facebook page."

We laughed about it.  He mentioned how it has taken on a life of its own, with people messaging him whenever a celebrity dies.  I gave my mea culpa for the time last year when I myself did that, when some minor television celebrity I can't now recall, had passed away.  I sent a message along the lines of, "You should know that (minor celebrity) has died. And will be missed."  Mea culpa, indeed.

Fortunately for me and the state of my soul, I was driving at the time I learned of HGB's death, and so couldn't check Facebook.  (So, in fact, I did take a moment to pray for her; Facebook friend was unaware of her and didn't "feature" her).  Later that night, I discovered via Twitter and Facebook that another famous woman, Nellie Gray, founder of the March for Life and stalwart pro-life activist, had died the same day.

And so despite my initial first guilty thoughts about Helen Gurley Brown, learning that she had died the same day as Nellie Gray, gave me a kind of comfort.   I can imagine, because God has an excellent sense of humor, that Nellie Gray may have been invited to help shepherd poor HGB through the pearly gates, or at least in purgatory.  Nellie Gray could be pretty strict about things, and knowing that this quality of hers would certainly be sloughed away, I can picture these two contemporaries (they were born just a few years apart) being together and important to each other in some unknown-to-us way.

Later, I discovered via Deacon Greg Kandra of The Deacon's Bench blog that HGB had been a million-dollar contributor to Catholic schools in NYC, and Cardinal Dolan had "danced" with her.  (read about the story behind the photo here).  Another sweet image, and one that makes me think, actually more hope than believe, as I've said before and on other occasions, "Not far from the Kingdom of God."

Q&A on the "Broken" Series by Mandi of Catholic Newlywed

This month on Reading Catholic, I am determined to share some of the great recent resoures on human sexuality out there.  This will include blogs, podcasts, and other resources I’ve encountered as I reviewed for this month’s column on two great new books, Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.

Today, I’m honored to get a chance to introduce readers of Reading Catholic and The Catholic Post to Mandi, who writes a charming blog called, “Catholic Newlywed.”  Mandi began a series on her blog this year called “Broken,” that I want to share with The Catholic Post readers.  Mandi, thanks for your willingness to share, and for your great series that I hope even more people will discover.  Here's Mandi, her husband and daughter:

Q.  Tell Reading Catholic readers a little bit about yourself, your family, and how you began blogging.

I started my blog in late 2010, shortly after marrying my husband.  We had a long distance relationship, so when we married, I moved far away from my family and friends and was craving friendship with like-minded Catholic women.  Since then, we welcomed our first child, Lucia, last December and my blog is now a combination of faith, family life, keeping house, and the everyday musings of a Catholic wife and mother.

Q.  How did you get the idea for the “Broken” series?

I was in a “broken” relationship myself several years ago and continue to feel the scars it has left behind.  During the two and a half years that it lasted, I felt very alone and ashamed, without anyone to confide in.  In the time since then, I have realized that my experiences were not nearly as rare as I thought they were.  Slowly, I came to learn that many of the women I had daily contact with had been in similar damaging relationships, but we all felt isolated and alone.  “Broken” is an attempt to provide a channel for speaking out about these relationships.

Q.   What do you hope that women will take away from the “Broken” series?  

I started “Broken” in hopes that it would be a resource for women to gain knowledge, advice, and strength from others who have been in similar damaging relationships.  I believe that had I had more access to “real life” stories from other women, I would have been able to identify my relationship as abusive before it had gone too far and hopefully would have had the strength to get out early.  Discussing and reading about others’ experiences have also helped me to view mine more critically and finally heal some of those wounds.  I thought that if this has helped me, perhaps it will help other women.  My ultimate goal is that perhaps just one young woman will read these stories and be able to completely avoid damaging relationships because of them.

Q.   The series is primarily about women’s experiences.  Have you had any feedback from men, and what do you hope men reading the series will “get” from it?

This is a great question! I originally started this series for women and still tend to think of it as geared toward them; however, women are not the only victims of damaging relationships.  I recently received an email from a woman who shared that her son is in an abusive relationship.  I would love the opportunity to share stories of broken relationships from the male perspective, although I think that men are still a little more reticent about discussing those experiences (but all the more reason they need to be shared).  If there are any men that would like to write a piece, please don’t hesitate to contact me - your voice is important and I do publish pieces anonymously upon request!  


This series can benefit all men in that it gives them a window into the lives of women who have endured damaging relationships.  Since so many women will be in an abusive relationship of some kind in their lifetime, there is a high probability that a man will marry a woman who retains the scars of a past abusive relationship.  It’s important that they are able to understand and identify the scars that their loved ones carry.  Fathers also need to be aware of the kind of relationships that they need to prepare their daughters for and warn them against.  

Q.  Do you have a “favorite” or most-important to read in the series?  I read through each of the selections, and all were so important, well-written and handle tough topics sensitively.   In particular, the post titled, “He didn't really love me and want to protect me. He wanted to control me” was especially well-done.  Do you have one you consider a must-read?

I think they all discuss different important aspects of damaging relationships.  Each woman’s experience is different, so I think it is important to get as many stories as possible out there.  I’m hesitant to say that one is better than the other because each person will be affected by each one differently.  The ones that have been most healing for me based on my past experiences may not have the same meaning for someone else.  I think all the women who have shared have been extremely courageous in telling their story.

Q.  Do you see this as an ongoing series, or do you plan to wrap it up at some time in the future?

As long as there are people willing to share, I will be open to continuing the series.  I think there are many aspects that still need to be addressed.  Particularly, I would be interested in pieces from friends and family of those in damaging relationships.  I would also like pieces that are more advice-based in nature, for example, “how to identify warning signs of a damaging relationship,” or “what to do if someone you know was in an abusive relationship.”  

Q.   Is there anything else you would like to add, or wish I would have asked?

Many of the pieces that have been written so far have dealt with physical or sexual abuse; however, I envisioned the series to include all relationships that are “damaging”.  Many women (and men) have been in relationships  that have left them feeling broken even though their relationships may not meet the definition of abusive.  Relationships in which one person is constantly belittled, in which infidelity is a factor, or which left one (or both) members scarred is a broken relationship.  These stories have a place in the series as well. 


Although I have already addressed this in several questions above, I would like to add that I am always taking new pieces.  If someone reading this feel like he/she has something to contribute, even if it isn’t on a topic I’ve specific addressed interest in, please contact me at catholicnewlywed@gmail.com.

Sharing Resources--Men and Sexual Abuse

As often happens when you are focused on something, you see it everywhere.  And this was definitely the case with sexuality and a healthy, integrated life, after I reviewed for this month’s column two important books: Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and  My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.  I've encountered many resources and sources of information over the past month that I plan to share with readers here.  I also hope to have a number of guest posts.

One of the podcasts I subscribe to is Focus on the Family's daily broadcast.   While I don't love every single podcast, I do find it more often than not an interesting listen.  The resource from Focus on the Family that I use most often, though, is its media review site, Plugged In Online (though strangely, I don't listen to the Plugged In podcast very often).

At the end of last month, I listened to a tremendous two-part series from Focus on the Family, "Men and Sexual Abuse: Hope for Wounded Hearts," a long interview with Dr. Dan Allendar about the long-term effects of sexual abuse on men.  It covers a lot of the same themes that Dawn Eden does in her book, My Peace I Give You.  Well worth a listen.

You can listen to the first part of the interview here.

After the Revolution, Rotten Fruit, Discouragement--And Hope: July 2012 Column

During my college years in the 1980s, I was a (nominal) cradle Catholic, and fairly immersed in the college culture of the time.  I was especially drawn to various trendy, or what we called back in the day “politically correct,” ideas and philosophies.

Exhibit A: I thought Gloria Steinem, who spoke at our campus, was glamorous and made terrific sense.

All joking about Gloria Steinem aside, by far the most memorable speaker was a beautiful young woman, a former porn film worker, who gave a speech  (from a feminist perspective) on the evils of pornography.

It gave me--to this day--an implacable hatred of porn as something bad for women and corrosive to society.

I’m incredibly grateful for that speaker, who opened my eyes at such an early age of the high cost of “anything goes.”  But it was awful to sit through and to hear.

Mary Eberstadt’s Adam and Eve After the Pill: Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution reminds me of hearing that speech.  This book is not enjoyable –in fact, reading it can be downright discouraging.  But it is a must-read in understanding, “the moral core of the sexual revolution (is) the abundant evidence that its fruits have been rottenest for women and children.”

Every single essay-chapter is important and stands alone.  It’s hard to pick out a best chapter, but “The Will to Disbelieve” is crucial in setting up the notion that society at large is largely ignoring the clear results of the sexual revolution, much the same way the “the moral facts about the Cord War remained disputed at the highest intellectual levels, especially on American campuses, until about two seconds before the Berlin Wall came down.”

Perhaps the only hopeful chapter of Adam and Eve After the Pill is “‘Pedophia Chic’ Then and Now” which outlines how just a few short decades ago, pedophilia was more in vogue and even defended in the public square such as mainstream magazine articles.  Ebertstadt writes that it is “a small case of small but real moral progress that bodes a little better for the youngest and most innocent among us, even as it confirms that the sexual revolution has made the world a more dangerous place for them.” 

Hope may be hard to come by when reading Adam and Eve After the Pill, but hope and peace suffuse My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Catholic convert Dawn Eden.

In many ways, My Peace I Give You is a personal testimonial to the rotten fruits documented in Adam and Eve After the Pill.  As a child of divorce, Eden experienced sexual abuse in various settings, then as a young adult lived promiscuously to “take control” of her sexuality.  But wholeness and true happiness remained elusive.

In Eden’s 2006 international bestseller, The Thrill of the Chaste, Eden wrote about discovering the appeal that modesty and sexual restraint offer, but had not yet come to terms with the legacy of abuse in her life.

   

During and after her conversion to Catholicism, Eden sees that healing from those sexual wounds is ongoing and a work of the Holy Spirit, through specific saints who provide solace on the journey.

As she writes to the many who are childhood sexual abuse victim, “I want you to know you are not alone, you are not forgotten, and you have more friends in heaven than you realize.”

My Peace I Give You is part memoir and part meditations on what the saints can teach us about wholeness of body, mind and spirit, even in the face of searing memories and experiences. 

Some of the saints in My Peace I Give You are victims of sexual abuse; some are not; but in Eden’s heartfelt and careful reflection, all have something to offer those who have undergone abuse, or those whose hearts breaks for them.

This column appears on the book page of the print Catholic Post this weekend.  It's an interesting, I would venture to say providential, "coincidence," that this review appears here on the feast day of St. Maria Goretti.  Eden in particular has an insightful chapter in her book My Peace I Give You on this much-known but little-understood saint. 

Advent Book Giveaway #3: Olivia's Gift

Third book in the Advent Book Giveaway is Olivia's Gift by Nancy Carabio Belanger.  Olivia's Gift was one of the highlights of my December 2010 Christmas gift books column in the Catholic Post.

This book is a great read for girls especially in the 5th to 8th grade range.  As I wrote previously:  "Olivia's Gift follows Olivia in her summer before 7th grade, navigating friends, family and trying (and not always succeeding) to live out St. Therese’s “Little Way.”  There’s a very powerful, but sensitively handled, pro-life theme here. The book is a sequel to the wonderful Olivia and the Little Way, that chronicles Olivia’s fifth grade year and her ups & downs.  The books can be read independently of each other, but most girls will want to read both once they’ve read one."

I'm embarrassed to say that Nancy sent me a copy of the novel last year for a giveaway, and I had all planned to give away a copy of the book back then.  But if I remember correctly, a bout of the flu took me out for quite a bit of that season, and I couldn't manage all I had intended for the blog.   Month after month I kept thinking I would manage a giveaway of Olivia's Gift sometime during the year, but it didn't happen until now.  But truly, it would be a great Christmas gift for a young girl in your life.


Here are the rules for this giveaway and all the books in the giveaway.  You must comment on the blog post or posts giving away the book.  So, if you are interested in Olivia's Gift, leave a comment here on this post.

In addition, if you are the winner, I will let you know via comment if I do not have an e-mail or a way to reach you.  If you do not respond in two days, I'll pull another name.  That's it!  Couldn't be easier.

If you are not a winner in this giveaway, I notice that Harvey House publishing, publisher of Olivia's Gift, has a free shipping offer for books ordered before December 16, so do take advantage of that special offer.

Deadline for this giveaway is Sunday, December 4, at 7 p.m. Central Time.

There Oughta Be a (Catholic) Book

Here at the Catholic Post Book Group blog, I’m starting a new feature in which I don’t review a book, but suggest that someone write a book, from a Catholic perspective.  A truly Catholic perspective is reasonable, intelligent and attractive on many levels.  So here goes!

First up is a reasonable book about modesty, from a Catholic perspective, primarily for younger people.   I’m pretty sure such a book doesn’t exist, but if it does please let me know in the comments.

I participated recently in a very spirited Facebook group discussion about modesty, and I was so appreciative of different perspectives, but still felt that how to dress at Mass (much less other times) is like the third rail of Catholic culture.  How to talk about this subject in a reasonable (and I'm completely stressing the reasonable here) way with our children?

Last month, my daughters and I attended (with several other families) a large event at a local evangelical church called “Secret Keeper Girl Live!”  It was fun, and sparkly—almost a little too sparkly.  (Not that it isn’t “Catholic” to be sparkly.  Here’s what I loved: the girls and their moms were encouraged in dressing and acting as daughters of the King.    They gave very specific, super helpful advice about dressing with modesty—various very practical tests to see if a top was too skimpy, a skirt too short.

Here’s what I didn’t love:  it was a little overwhelming, noise and pink-wise, for me.  There was an altar call at the end, always a little awkward for Catholics not wanting to seem holier than thou (um, do I want to ask Jesus into my heart?  I already receive Him every time I go to Mass, but thanks anyway).  Also, I found myself underwhelmed by the "fashion show" portion of the evening, which featured fashions that were cheesier and more “Disney” than my tastes, though all outfits were perfectly modest.  I’m just more of an LL Bean gal.

I really don’t want to make it sound in any way bad, because it was really wonderful in encouraging girls to believe in true inner beauty, both in how we look and how we act.    Dana Gresh, the creator of the events, has a helpful series of books for girls and moms, including one called Secret Keeper, and while we found it interesting and a helpful read for discussion, it lacked a truly Catholic vision.  Our family got a chance to look up modesty in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), and that helped us round out the discussion the book and the event started.

But still, I want a (Catholic) book!   So there “oughta” be a (Catholic) book.

A recent Catholic book to talk over body image, and touch on modesty a bit, is Kate Wicker’s thoughtful new book Weightless: Making Peace With Your Body.  Weightless is  an excellent book and a longer review of that is coming.  But that is written more for older teens and adults, more specifically about body image than dressing and acting in way that is modest. I really want something I can hand to my children (both boy and girls) to read (having read it first), and then discuss casually here and there.

Here are two quick nominations for someone to write this book:

*Hallie Lord:  she’s the popular blogger of Betty Beguiles “Beauty, Fashion and Style … with a Vintage Twist.”  She features a lot of good discussions about fashion as well as Catholic issues.  She’d be great and very encouraging to young women who love fashion, because she does so much herself love fashion.

*Rebecca, a young screenwriter who writes the Modestia blog, “Fashion. Modesty. & General Fabulousity.”   And this blog is fabulous (or has fabulosity?)—she features a lot of fun appropriate fashion, many times featuring new Princess Kate.  I so enjoy her sensible take on things.

What do you think of this idea for a book?   Do you have any nominations of people who should write this book?   Do you have any suggestions of an “oughta be” Catholic book?