The "Cravings" Blog Tour: My Q&A with Mary DeTurris Poust

Today is my day on the blog tour for Mary DeTurris Poust's latest book, Cravings: A Catholic Wrestles with Food, Self-Image and God.   I reviewed the book in my January column for The Catholic Post.  Since Q&As are one of my favorite things, I decided to do a Q&A with Mary as my part of the blog tour.  Thanks, Mary, for letting me wrap up your blog tour here at Reading Catholic!  Please visit this link to enter to win a $100 Williams-Sonoma gift card as part of this tour.  In addition, I have a copy of Cravings from the publisher to giveaway at the First Saturday gathering early next month.  If you leave a comment on this post, you can have an extra entry in the giveaway.

Q.  Mary, tell Reading Catholic readers more about yourself, your work and your family.

I’ve been a writer focusing on Catholic issues for almost 30 years. These days my passion is my blog, Not Strictly Spiritual, and my books. As I get older, I find myself focusing more on the spiritual side of Church and less on the “business” side of things, such as issues and news and events, which I covered for many years as a Catholic newspaper reporter. When I’m not writing, I’m usually driving my kids around or cooking or doing yoga. We have three children, ages 7, 12, and 16,  so our home life is pretty busy. The dual vocation – Catholic writer and mom – can be a bit of a challenge, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Q.  As I wrote in my review of Cravings, I thought you saved the best for last, and that the last two chapters were the most compelling.  Did you have a favorite chapter or concept from the book?

It would probably depend on the day. Different chapters suit different situations, moods, seasons, struggles. I think as I was writing, whatever chapter I was working on was my favorite.

Q.  Over the years, I’ve seen plenty of people I know maintain health with various and contradictory food plans that have been popular in the last decade (vegan, paleo, low-carb).  It strikes me that one’s diet (meaning general food choices, not a “diet”) is as individual as a fingerprint, and finding what works to maintain health is important for each individual to work out.  Your thoughts on this, and how you’ve come to embrace a vegetarian diet as best for you?

When it comes to diet plans and food choices, I’m a bit of a rebel. I don’t like to stick to any one plan, and I tend to go against whatever the latest fad might be. Mainly I choose what feels right for me and what I know tends to work long-term. Yes, I’m a vegetarian, something I chose after my mother died of colon cancer at age 47, but I am not rigid about it. I think balance is the most important thing. We see, as you mention, all of these extremes – no carbs, mostly carbs, no meat, all meat. From one week to the next diet recommendations change drastically. Eat eggs. Don’t eat eggs. Drink wine. Don’t drink wine. So I think we have to stop listening to everyone else and listen to our own bodies and hearts and minds. We ultimately know what’s good for us, even when we don’t always do it. When we find a balance, enjoying what we love in moderation, we find we don’t need all these crazy diet plans. We just need to bring some common sense and some mindfulness to our meals.

Q. I am a (mostly) healthy eater, but I am not at all a mindful eater.   Reading your exploration of that makes me want to give it another try, not just for myself but for the whole family.  For those new to mindful eating, can you describe how that might look, especially in a family setting? 

Well, mindful eating isn’t necessarily something you can do on a full-time basis, at least not if you have a houseful of kids. Try it on your own at first to get a feel for it. In our house there are certain things we never do during dinner: No TV, no phone calls, no texting, no computers. Dinner is dinner, with no outside interruptions allowed. So that sets the stage. Even when the dinner table feels more like a something out of a three-ring circus there are certain elements of mindfulness built in. The next step is to try to keep the mealtime calm – no fighting, no tension. This is not the time to start talking about things that will lead to arguments. That may not always be easy, but it’s the ideal. And last but certainly not least: prayer. We always start our meal with a blessing. Sometimes when we’re out at a restaurant, the kids will be the ones who remind us that we should pray. So something’s sinking in even when it feels like we are totally off course. Little steps. Don’t expect to turn your kitchen into a monastery if you’ve got kids. Again we need to be realistic and gentle with ourselves and aware of what we can and cant’ do. It’s when we hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations that the healthy food plans and diets often go out the window.

Q.  What do you mean by a food ritual?  How can it be beneficial?

Try to develop something that brings a sense of the sacred to a meal or snack. In Cravings I talk about my “mindful oatmeal” practice, where I clear the kitchen table, light a candle, pray before I dig into my regular oatmeal breakfast, and then eat in silence and with total mindfulness. It can really transform a meal into a meditation. Even something as simple as making a pot of tea with attention and intention can become a ritual. When you slow down the meal or snack or whatever you’re doing and bring some awareness to it, it becomes more satisfying. You really taste your food as opposed to eating without thinking or while you’re doing something else, and that makes you less likely to go looking for more food a few minutes later – because you’re feeding yourself on a deeper level.

Q. What is the one thing a person who is struggling with their relationship to food could do to make the new year healthier?

First, I’d recommend bringing even five minutes of prayer into everyday life. It’s amazing what that can do for your heart and head. Then I’d suggest keeping a food journal. When you write down everything you eat – and I mean everything – it really makes you aware of your habits and it allows you to see patterns and begin to understand why you might eating if you’re not really hungry. It’s really what makes programs like Weight Watchers work – you track every single bite, not to be obsessive about calories but to be aware. It’s not about counting fat grams or carbs but about understanding the reasons behind the food habits. When I keep a food journal, I’m much more accountable. And I’ll jot down whether I exercised that day or if I have any particular aches or pains or discomforts, even my moods. As a result, I can actually go back and notice where I was last year and whether I repeat certain patterns at certain times.

Q.  You are a prolific author.  Can you share any upcoming projects?

Right now I’m focusing on spreading the word about “Cravings” and about my other new book, “Everyday Divine: A Catholic Guide to Active Spirituality,” which focuses on finding the divine in the mundane moments of our lives. So I’m hoping to do some retreats and workshops related to both books. I’d also like to have time focus on my blog, Not Strictly Spiritual. This past year I was so busy writing two books that I didn’t have a lot of time to blog, which I really love because it allows me to connect directly with readers and explore the spiritual journey day by day.

Mary, thanks again for answering all my questions about your book and letting me be the "grand finale" of the blog tour.  Readers can visit this link to the blog tour to see all the prior stops, and don't forget to enter to win the $100 Williams-Sonoma gift card.  Remember, if you leave a comment on this post, you can have an extra entry to win a copy of Cravings, that I will be giving away at the First Saturday gathering on Saturday, February 2.

New Year, New You: Be Mindful, Be Inspired

Here is my January column that appears in this weekend's edition of The Catholic Post.  I invite your feedback here or elsewhere online.

A new calendar year offers many a chance to start fresh with eating right or maybe a new exercise plan.  Bookstores shelves are full of how-to books this time of year to help kick-start that process.

That’s all well and good, but many times a shift in thinking is what’s really needed.  Two great new books offer just that.

Cravings: A Catholic Wrestles with Food, Self-Image and God  is Mary DeTurris Poust’s personal and spiritual journey about the intersection of food and faith.

“For Catholics, any conversation about the food-faith connection will always come back around to this one central theme. Ours is a faith centered on a meal,” Poust writes, and she shows in Cravings how it is vital to understand and internalize the link between our spiritual and physical well-being when it comes to food.

A big strength is that Poust’s book is both Catholic and catholic, tapping into a wide range of spiritual practices and traditions related to food and meals.  So much of our Catholic liturgical year relates to fasting and feasting, and seeing how other cultures and religious traditions share this is constructive and broadening.  Poust also shares stories of various people who have struggled with weight, food issues or spirituality related to food, and how they handle their struggles.

Cravings is more spiritual “how-to” than healthy-eating “how-to.”  Considering the many competing theories that seem to change by the week (is it paleo or vegan that’s best these days?), that seems healthy in more ways than one.

At the same time, Poust takes the time to make the case about how our modern American food promotes unhealthy lifestyles rather than healthy ones.  And her helpful appendix, “Practices for the Journey Forward,” summarizing healthy eating and lifestyle principles, is sensible and balanced without being too much.

Poust saved the best for last, in the final two chapters: “Soul Food: Turning Meals into Meditations,” and “Just Desserts: You Can Have Your Cake and Spiritual Life, Too.”  I’m not just saying that because I love dessert best of all.  Her own experiences of mindful eating, both alone and with her family, as well as her ideas for creating food rituals, are encouraging rather than daunting.

After reading Cravings, I feel motivated in many ways, and so grateful for our Catholic faith’s rhythms and rituals.  My take-away is to practice small times of mindful eating, and make more intentional and positive food rituals at our house.

Running With God Across America is decidedly not a “how-to” book about getting in shape, but many readers will find it inspiring and compelling.

Running is University of Notre Dame grad Jeff Grabosky’s account of his decision to embark, after a rough post-college time, on a cross-country run, praying for others’ intentions the entire way.

Each short chapter is titled by “day” (day 1, etc.) and covers one day of his  3,700-mile, months-long journey.  Most days he ran more than 30 miles, and he relates with openness his spiritual, physical and emotional state through many ups and downs.

“I set out on my journey to help bring our world closer to God,” writes Grabosky at the end of Running with God Across America, but it’s his own spiritual journey that takes center stage, with a endearing narrative and flow.

This book is hard to put down--I would resolve to set it aside for dishes or some other responsibility, but kept reading and telling myself, “just one more day.”

As a busy middle-aged mom (and runner), I found myself envious of two aspects of Grabosky’s trek, one serious and one kind of funny.

First, Grabosky had tons of time and personal space for prayer, while running, of course. That’s why the book reads like a retreat journal or spiritual memoir in many ways.  His spiritual highs and lows are recounted in vivid and emotional detail.

Second, food lovers will marvel as Grabosky relates the sheer amount of food he needed to eat to keep up his weight on this long run. I know how good food tastes after a long run or lots of exertion, and so his descriptions of memorable and delicious meals stuck with me.  Talk about mindful eating.

Most people aren’t going to embark upon a solo cross-country run, though some might want to join in Grabosky’s latest effort, as he organizes the LIFE Runner's cross-country Relay for Life that begins next month.

Still, most readers will glean from Running With God Across America spiritual fruit from his journey, and be inspired to consider their own spiritual and physical life more like the real journey that it is.  Just one more day ....

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Note:  I will be doing Q&As this month with both Mary DeTurris Poust and Jeff Grabosky.  My Q&A with Jeff will appear next week, and I'll be part of the blog tour for Mary's book; Reading Catholic's "stop" is scheduled for January 20.

Reading Catholic on the "Cravings" Blog Tour

Tomorrow, my column that appears in this weekend's edition of The Catholic Post will post here on the blog.

This year, for my traditional "new year, new you" column, I review one book about food and one book about running. --covering both those who resolve to eat healthier and those who resolve to get in shape.  Most of my resolutions this year have to do with organization, so I'm sure I will try to share books along those lines as well.

The exciting news is that one of my reviewed books, and I will be part of the blog tour for Mary DeTurris Poust's latest book, Cravings: A Catholic Wrestles with Food, Self-Image, and God.  I'm on the schedule for January 20th, which means I get to finish the blog tour.  Pretty exciting!  I'll be doing a Q&A with Mary on my date, and I look forward to reading all the other tour stops as well.

If you click on the link, (here it is again if the image doesn't work), you can see all the stops on Mary's blog tour, as well as enter to win a Williams-Sonoma gift card.

What are some of your New Year's resolutions?

Memoirs Help Give "A Reason for Hope"

Here is my December column that appears in this weekend’s print The Catholic Post.  I invite your feedback here, or on Facebook or Twitter.

Pop quiz:  why are you Catholic?

Could you tell your story in a way that makes your friend want to be Catholic, or your children glad that they are Catholic?

It’s harder than it appears at first thought, isn’t it?

And yet as St. Peter tells us, we should “always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope.”  Personal stories, more than statistics or arguments, are one of the best ways to transmit faith, whether ourselves or those closest to us.

You might be strong in your Catholic faith, or looking for a booster shot for a faith grown anemic.  Or you might be looking for a gift for someone wavering in his or her faith.  Consider one of the compelling and enjoyable newer memoirs, where others share what gives them hope.

 Here are two very different choices among recent offerings:

*My Sisters the Saints: A Spiritual Memoir by Colleen Carroll Campbell recounts Campbell’s spiritual journey from nominal Catholic college student through young adulthood as she struggles with faith, work, dating, a parent’s decline, and infertility.

What keeps her moving closer to, instead of away from, her Catholic faith, are a series of women saints whose lives point the way for her to experience life fully--and fully Catholic.

Many know Campbell as a gifted author--she wrote the 2002 book The New Faithful: Why Young Adults are Embracing Christian Orthodoxy.  I enjoyed that book, and found it well-done, but My Sisters the Saints is far richer and more compelling, because it is Campbell’s own story, shared honesty and sensitively.

I confess that I shed a few cathartic tears at Campbell’s own story, since I’ve been through similar struggles.  Her account of losing a parent over time, in particular, is handled with grace and candor.  Campbell writes warmly and well, and her book should be widely read.

*A very, very different memoir, but equally compelling, is Chris Haw’s From Willow Creek to Sacred Heart: Rekindling My Love for Catholicism.

I have much more in common with Campbell, as I’m a cradle Catholic who never left the Church.  Chris Haw, while raised Catholic through young childhood, began his faith life as an “non-denominational” Christian, basically anti-Catholic, at the mega-church Willow Creek in the Chicago area.  But Haw’s book is hard to put down.

Learning of worship and faith life in mega-churches is interesting.  And yet, it is Haw’s journey from evangelical and anti-liturgical/anti-denominational zealot to--of all things--a faithful, liturgical Catholic that makes this book fascinating.

For a non-theologian like me, some of the middle chapters of From Willow Creek to Sacred Heart are a little too theology-rich (or theology-laden, depending on your tolerance for straight theology).  I wish there had been a bit extra “personal story” in those middle chapters. The story of how Haw and his young family live their faith radically in a poverty-stricken area of Camden, New Jersey, is remarkable, and I wish there were more about how they live it out, day to day.

Still, I read each chapter with interest and attention.  Haw’s voice challenges one to “think different” about the meaning of Catholicism.  His perspective is radically unique, like a kind of Dorothy Day for the millennial generation (and even those of us just  a bit older than that).  Most of us are not called to live or worship the way Haw does, but reading about it prompts questions and challenges about how we do live out our Catholic faith.

Sheen Mass of Thanksgiving, Part I: Before the Mass

As I've mentioned already, the Mass of Thanksgiving for Archbishop Fulton Sheen being named Venerable held here in Peoria on Sunday was truly amazing.

I wanted to share some personal photos from the morning, some taken with my iPhone and some (that would be the really good ones) taken by my husband Joseph on his Canon.  Because there is so much to share, this will be split into several posts.

My goals here are: 1. to introduce you to some Peoria diocesan people who are worth knowing, 2. to explain some Catholic culture and the interesting world of papal orders, and 3. to have fun exploring the sights, personalities and emotions around the Mass itself.

First, there was a lot of media interest in the Mass.  Here is Bishop Jenky being interviewed by local newscaster Anna Yee (here's the link to her story):

Our family arrived early for the Mass, and I dropped off our children in the St. Thomas More Chapel, which held overflow seating for the Mass.   Most of St. Mary's Cathedral was filled with ticketholders, and I'm not sure how those were obtained, but there was room for various people in overflow places.  People I knew who were there were split pretty evenly between those who had tickets and those who didn't.

Another family agreed to let our kids be with their family, since Joseph and I were to be in the procession.  I'm so grateful to them (hi Lucy and Rick!), because although our kids are old enough to be at Mass by themselves, it was nice to know they were covered.  I was also relieved that also in the Thomas More chapel  was another family that are pretty much family to us.

Here's a stained glass portrait of St. Thomas More, just outside the chapel itself.

The reason that Joseph and I were in the procession is that we are both members of the (yes, this is the real name) Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre of Jerusalem (EOHSJ hereafter).  You can read about the founding of the Order here.  

How did we come to be members of this order?  Nine years ago (interestingly, when I was pregnant with our youngest), our former Bishop, John Myers, nominated us.   He is now the Archbishop of Newark, NJ, but was in Peoria for the Mass and, a few days before, to celebrate 25 years as a bishop. After we accepted, we had our investiture with a large group at the cathedral in Indianapolis, where the annual conference was held that year. 

I could write tons about the EOHSJ, but since that would be a completely new post, I will resist.  Among the many expectations, I consider three to be most important and what we focus on:  to pray daily for the peace of Jerusalem, to support Christians in the Holy Land, and to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.  Joseph and I have not yet made our pilgrimage.  My desire is for our whole family to go on a Footprints of God pilgrimage (hosted by Steve & Janet Ray) once all our kids are teenagers.  I keep announcing it and putting away funds for it, so I hope it will really happen in a few years for us.

The either cool or slightly awkward part of being in EOHSJ is that we have ceremonial dress.  

Here's another one of the Ladies in her ceremonial robe and behind her, one of the Knights in his ceremonial robe.  This particular Lady's name was Judy and she has a great sense of humor, so we had a lot of fun that morning.

You'll notice the mantilla. 

Allow me a short digression here: 

I've been in Facebook and real-life conversations with young mommy bloggers about mantillas, as a strangely large number  have written or talk in the past few years about wanting to start wearing a mantilla or headcovering at Mass.  I find this completely fascinating, since I don't share the desire at all.  I share my own story that, as someone who is occasionally required to wear a mantilla, I don't recommend it for regular use.

That is just me.  Intellectually, I'm okay with whatever a woman wants to do.  But at the same time, the conversations have been pretty candid (with me saying things like, "No! No mantillas! No!").  That is definitely a completely different post, and I think Simcha Fisher or some other smart young blogger has already covered this topic and related issues in depth.

So as we were getting into our robes before the Mass, I tweeted to @BonnieEngstrom (who was in one of the online conversations along the way) something along the lines of "Putting on my mantilla for you! :-)"  My awkward attempt at mantilla humor.

Here I am, in mantilla, ready to process.  Notice my iPhone ready to snap photos.  Also notice the Jerusalem cross on the robe, an ancient symbol and one of the main insignia of the Order.

One nice part of being in EOHSJ is that when we are participating in a liturgy, we process and get to be with the celebrants beforehand, usually the bishop and some variety of priests and monsignors. Our family has a lot of priest friends, and so this is a nice chance to catch up and visit.  

Here is Joseph with Monsignor Stephen Rohlfs, now rector of Mount St. Mary's seminary.  He's a priest of the diocese of Peoria, and one of Joseph's oldest local friends and theologian mentors.  

Okay, now this is going to get confusing, if you weren't confused already.  You will notice that Joseph is not wearing the EOHSJ ceremonial dress.  That's because he actually outranks us EOHSJ folks.  

When we became EOHSJ, Joseph was already a member of the Order of St. Gregory the Great. (He's wearing the insignia of the Knighthood on his jacket).   Knights of St. Gregory the Great, who are appointed directly by the Holy Father, can also wear ceremonial dress, but aren't required to.

You can read all about the Order on the Vatican website, and no, I don't understand it very well, either.   Generally, people who have a long history of service to the Church are named to the Order.  Joseph received the honor at a relatively young age, and it's my theory ( but keep in mind here I'm a lay person and not an expert here, even though I'm his wife and biased), some of it had to do with his working prayerfully and diligently as a theologian and lawyer in Catholic health care ethics and mission, a challenging field.  

Here is Dr. Clement Cunningham in the ceremonial dress (minus the hat) for the Order of St. Gregory the Great. Dr. Cunningham is a local Peoria diocesan hero and supporter of so many wonderful local and national Catholic efforts.

Here is Dr. Cunningham being helped through the corridor between the rectory and the cathedral by the kind and dear Dick LaHood, a fellow Knight of St. Gregory the Great.  

One of the tweets I sent just before the Mass was something like, "It's really loud in here, but it's not me, but Father Apostoli and all the priests talking."

I meant it in a lighthearted way, and really, everyone was talking, not just Father Apostoli (sorry to single you out, Father!). My goal was to give a feel of what it was like to wait for the procession, behind the scenes.  The reason for the noise is there is a small corridor between the Rectory and the Cathedral, so with several dozen people talking, it got pretty loud.

I will stop here.  Part 2, coming tomorrow, will cover the Mass itself and what happened there.

Sharing Resources--Men and Sexual Abuse

As often happens when you are focused on something, you see it everywhere.  And this was definitely the case with sexuality and a healthy, integrated life, after I reviewed for this month’s column two important books: Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and  My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.  I've encountered many resources and sources of information over the past month that I plan to share with readers here.  I also hope to have a number of guest posts.

One of the podcasts I subscribe to is Focus on the Family's daily broadcast.   While I don't love every single podcast, I do find it more often than not an interesting listen.  The resource from Focus on the Family that I use most often, though, is its media review site, Plugged In Online (though strangely, I don't listen to the Plugged In podcast very often).

At the end of last month, I listened to a tremendous two-part series from Focus on the Family, "Men and Sexual Abuse: Hope for Wounded Hearts," a long interview with Dr. Dan Allendar about the long-term effects of sexual abuse on men.  It covers a lot of the same themes that Dawn Eden does in her book, My Peace I Give You.  Well worth a listen.

You can listen to the first part of the interview here.

Another American Saint--Soon? Archbishop Fulton Sheen now Venerable

Independence Day seems a great time to highlight Archbishop Fulton Sheen, who seems likely to be the next American saint.  Just last week, the Vatican announced that Sheen has been named venerable because he lived a life of "heroic virtues."  You can read about the Vatican announcement here.

The exciting news for those of us here in the Peoria area is that the alleged miracle for Sheen's cause is that of James Fulton Sheen, son of prolific (and personally delightful) blogger Bonnie Engstrom and her husband Travis.  James was born in distress and without a heartbeat for 61 minutes, and family members and friends stormed heaven to ask for Archbishop's Sheen intercession to heal him.  I love this photo of part of their family, taken for the Chicago Tribune by a freelance photographer, that Bonnie shared on her blog the other day.

 

It's such a great story, and if you are not familiar with it, please head on over to Bonnie's blog to read all about it.

 

A strange, journalist aside from me: one of the oddest things I thought when I read (and reviewed last month) Alberto Salazar's 14 Minutes (incidentally, a great, well-written memoir),  was: how can I work in James' 61 minutes into my interview with Salazar?  

It didn't seem polite to be all like, well, 14 minutes (how long Salazar was without a heartbeat after a massive heart attack in 2007) isn't really that long, because James Fulton was without one for 61 minutes.  

But I really wanted to do was somehow draw a parallel between James' miraculous healing, and the miraculous running (pun intended) throughout Salazar's great story of his faith and running life, and his several near-death experiences.  And truly, isn't life itself a wonderful miracle?  But it didn't make it into my final questions.

Anyhow, Bonnie writes here about James Fulton's healing being the alleged miracle for his beatification here.  The great Catholic Post article about the beatification here, which describes and links to the festivities around a Sunday, September 9 Mass to celebrate Sheen being named venerable.

Treasure in Clay, Sheen's excellent autobiography, was the first book I ever reviewed for the Catholic Post Book Group.  And while the blog is under the patronage of St. Francis de Sales, the patron saint of journalists, with the current news I believe I will adopt Sheen as our local patron here at the Catholic Post Book Group.  

Bonnie has a great tab on her blog that describes and links to tons of articles about Sheen and the (alleged, it seems so strange to write that!) miracle, so you should visit that for more information if you are interested.

The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Not A Parenting Book

Following is my monthly column that appears in the print Catholic Post.  I invite your feedback here, or elsewhere online. 

In May, I like to focus on books that could potentially make great Mother’s Day gifts.  But while I love to read all sorts of parenting books, I hesitate long and hard before recommending them.  There are just so many varied ways to be a great Catholic parent.

Fortunately, The Temperament God Gave Your Kids: Motivate, Discipline and Love Your Children by Art & Laraine Bennett is not a parenting book.  Rather, it’s an explanation of the classical four temperaments, and how to work with those temperaments to have the best possible relationship with your kids, whatever your parenting style.  I truly enjoyed this book, and the Bennetts’ no-nonsense, kind approach to working with your child’s-and your own-temperament .

The Bennetts write not just as counselors, but fellow parents.  They have written two previous Temperament books, but I think this is their most mature effort.  You can easily glean your own temperament, as well as that of your loved ones, by reading this book (and taking the one-page  back-of-book temperament quiz).

Briefly, the four temperaments are: choleric (strong-willed & determined); melancholic (quiet & introspective);  sanguine (eager & sociable); and  phlegmatic (cooperative & peaceful).

When I strong-armed encouraged every member of our family to complete the quiz, I found that our temperaments were pretty much as expected.  Most helpful, though, was learning how these temperaments interact in a positive or negative way, and suggestions for a different way of looking at my role as a mom.   That means I treat a melancholic child differently than a sanguine or choleric child, all within my own parenting style.

The Bennets write: “Parents will find it far easier to help their children grown emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually when they build on their children’s natural strengths.”  Amen to that.

Once you understand your temperament and those of your kids (and spouse), you will be nodding along with the chapters describing slightly different you might want to parent, and also nodding along with their sage advice.

Those who know me are aware that when it comes to parenting/self-help books, I am a great fan of the numbers types of books—the five love languages, the seven habits of happy families, and the like.  What’s different—and better—about The Temperament book is the Bennett’s Catholic sensibility.  They promote knowing about the temperament in order to work with nature, instead of prescribing a “one size fits all” parenting philosophy.

I also especially loved the chapter “Growing in Virtue” which lists the virtues that come easy to each of the temperaments and ones that “need work.”  Having that information is so helpful in helping our children reach their full potential.

Q&A with Karen Edmisten, author of "after miscarriage"

Thanks, Karen Edmisten, for being so open and willing to answer all my rambling questions.  You can read my review of After Miscarriage: A Catholic Woman's Companion to Healing & Hope in this weekend's print Catholic Post or here on the blog.

Q. First, can you tell Catholic Post readers a little more about yourself, your family and your writing?

I'm a former atheist (I was baptized at the age of 30 and came into the Catholic Church at age 35), a wife (my husband came into the Church five years after I did), and a  homeschooling mom of three girls. Our oldest daughter will graduate this year and my other daughters are 15 and 9. I've always written in one form or another, but I began writing for publication about five years after I became a Catholic. I started blogging (at Karen Edmisten) in late 2005, and my first book (The Rosary: Keeping Company With Jesus and Mary) was published in 2009. My second book (Through the Year With Mary) came out in 2010.

Q.  Why a book about miscarriage?

I've had five miscarriages myself, so it's something I've lived, something I've thought a lot about. I wanted to share the things that were helpful and healing to me over the years, and I wanted to offer a specifically Catholic resource to address some of the questions and misunderstandings that I hear about the Church and miscarriage.

And, the grief I experienced through my miscarriages, while devastating at the time, ultimately helped me to grow closer to God, so I also wanted to share some of that hope and encouragement. 

I also wanted to reassure others that they are not alone if they feel the grief of miscarriage deeply and for a long time. We're often expected to “get over it” fairly quickly, and while it's important to heal and keep moving forward, I think we are often surprised by how shaken we are by the loss.

Q.  You are very candid in the book about your own struggles through multiple miscarriages, and even share journal entries.  What gave you the courage to share this, and were you at all concerned about sharing “too much”?

I don't really think of myself as courageous – maybe I should be concerned about sharing too much, but that doesn't usually occur to me! It's more a matter of thinking, “If this is helpful to someone else, then it's worth saying.” Maybe because I was, at one time in my own life, such a questioner of all things religious, and I deeply appreciated people who were willing to share their spiritual journeys with me, that I want to do the same for others if I can.

Q.  Having lost a baby through miscarriage or stillbirth is kind of a “sisterhood” in a way.   Do you find women more willing in the age of the Internet/blogs, to share about membership in “the sisterhood” and talk about these kinds of details about their lives?  Is that a good thing or not?

I think we've always been willing to share and to support each other in that “sisterhood” – it just seems a natural reaction among women. But I think the age of the internet makes it much easier to find help, support, understanding – and I think that's a great thing.

Q.  I’m not sure if this is a question or an invitation to discussion about this.  When I interviewed Amy Welborn about her book Wish You Were Here, I was thinking of, but never got to a post about, good books for kids who might be going through grieving.  So many of the books “specifically for or about grieving” left us cold when my own kids were going through the loss of both sets of grandparents in just a few short years.   

Amy had a great response that it isn’t necessarily a book about grieving that helps when you experience a loss, but everyone finds different types of books (perhaps something completely different-mysteries, for instance) /coping mechanisms that are helpful.    It may not be the right time or healing balm to read about death and dying.

And yet the experience of miscarriage/stillbirth is so intimate and unique, I think reading After Miscarriage is helpful for most women who have experienced it, whether recently or long ago.  The resources you provide to places like Elizabeth Ministry and the like are also very helpful and pertinent.  Your thoughts?

Thanks, and yes, I do hope that After Miscarriage is helpful to women (and men) at any stage of that journey. But I agree with Amy that there are a lot of things that can be helpful that aren't specifically about grief. Sometimes the tiniest thing was a healing gesture for me – bringing fresh cut irises from the garden into the house.

One of my miscarriages occurred when my oldest daughter was six years old. She was devastated. I didn't find that books about grief were all that helpful to her – what helped her the most was just my presence. She simply needed to know that I was there, that we could play Candyland, or go out for ice cream.

When I did read books about grief, they weren't about the specific kind I was experiencing, but they were what I needed. For example, in After Miscarriage,  I quote A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, and Two-Part Invention, by Madeleine L'Engle. Both of those books deal with the loss of a spouse, and yet both were extremely helpful and meaningful to me after miscarriages, simply because they so accurately captured the state of grief itself.

Karen and I corresponded about some of the resources that are available to families undergoing a pregnancy loss.  

Karen Edmisten and the owner of one resource, Heaven's Gain, will be on an "After Miscarriage" show on the Catholic Answers Live radio show on May 28th.

In addition, Elizabeth Ministry International has a very helpful FAQ page for families undergoing miscarriage or stillbirth.

A Healing New Book for Coping With Miscarriage

This review appears in my print  column for The Catholic Post this weekend.  

Read my full review at my newer website, Reading Catholic. Click here to visit the full article on ReadingCatholic.com, and I invite you to visit and follow me over there!

January Giveaway #2: Weightless by Kate Wicker

Congratulations to the Birgitta, winner of the giveaway of Strengthening Your Family.  

Next up is a giveaway of Kate Wicker's Weightless: Making Peace with Your Body, another book I reviewed in my January column.   I had the chance to interview Kate and post the interview last week.  You can read that interview here, where you can read more about her book and writing.

The deadline for entering this giveaway is Monday, January 30, at 7 p.m. Central Time.

Here are the rules for this giveaway and all the books on giveaways here at the Catholic Post Book Group.  You must comment on the blog post or posts giving away the book.  So, if you are interested in a copy of Weightless, leave a comment here on this post.

In addition, if you are the winner, I will let you know via comment if I do not have an e-mail or a way to reach you.  If you do not respond in two days, I'll pull another name. That's it--couldn't be easier.  Good luck to all entries!

Three Great Books for Life

Today I'm working to finish my February column for The Catholic Post, and I've so enjoyed watching the March for Life coverage from Washington, D.C., on EWTN when I head to the kitchen for lunch or water.  There's one reason to be glad for cable television.

Today, I kept TweetDeck, a Twitter program, running, since the March is going on.  The hashtag #MarchforLife has been steadily growing throughout day, and nearly every second, sometimes more, a tweet will pop up on my screen with the hashtag #Marchforlife.  There are so many great ones from teenagers via text and others via Blackberry or iPhone at the March itself, like, "all life is presh" and "a person's a person, no matter how small" as well as some of the cheers they are saying, like "At the #MarchforLife right no. People are chanting "#Obama, your mother chose life."

 I thought at one point, I bet this is a "trending topic" on Twitter, so I checked that, but so far, every time I do, it's not listed.  Why, Twitter?  I don't want to claim Twitter media bias or anything, but it's almost hard not to.   So I subscribed to the hashtags that are "officially" trending, like #CommunityManagerAppreciationDay and #NationalPieDay (really? and #marchforlife is not?) and let me just say that they are in now way as "busy" as #marchforlife.  So even thought Twitter is not listing #marchforlife as trending, I'm telling you, it is trending, big time.

Because of that, and in honor of all the great people (mostly young, you can see them live on EWTN!) at the March for Life, I wanted to list a few quick books that are worthwhile reading

1.  Angel in the Waters by Regina Doman, illustrated by Ben Hatke

For children, nothing beats Regina Doman's Angel in the Waters, her picture book about the life of an unborn baby, with luminous illustrations by Ben Hatke.  You can read the book online at Angelinthewaters.com/, but there's nothing like sitting on a couch reading it to your favorite young person.  I dare you not to choke up when you read it.

2.  Unplanned by Abby Johnson

I reviewed Unplanned: The Dramatic True Story of a Former Planned Parenthood Leader's Eye-Opening Journey across the Life Line, last February, and it is worth a read if you have not and a re-read if you have.  Johnson was a Planned Parenthood clinic director, and leaves it all after seeing a first-trimester baby jerk away from the instruments as she assisted during an ultrasound-guided abortion.  I  interviewed Johnson about her book and work here.

As I wrote in my review, "This fine book speaks volumes about the power of love and prayer to overcome darkness and despair. Johnson writes that she was 'loved from one side to the other.'  Reading Unplanned  will make readers want to be that kind of love and prayer in their own communities.

3.  Won by Love:  Norma McCorvey, Jane Roe of Roe V. Wade, Speaks Out for the Unborn As She Shares Her New Conviction for Life  by Norma McCorvey

I had forgotten about this book until a friend tweeted over the weekend, " Want to know more about Roe v Wade? Why don't you read about it from Roe herself?" with a link to Norma McCorvey's website, Roe No More.  Norma McCorvey was the plaintiff in the Roe v. Wade case, but writes about how she was tricked into it, and all that ensued--addiction, abortion clinic work, conversion, healing.  Powerful, powerful stuff.

I read Won by Love last year after I read Unplanned and wanted to read or re-read other abortion conversion stories.  I found Won by Love to be somewhat less "polished," but no less powerful or moving because of it.

During the late 1980s and early 1990s, when I worked in the pro-life movement in Washington, D.C., I often encountered Norma McCorvey with her firebrand and rarely-out-of-the-spotlight lawyer Gloria Allred.  I remember at the time thinking that I felt so, so sorry for Norma McCorvey, as she just seemed lost and used by those around her.

This is an aside, but I usually felt sorry for most of the people on the pro-abortion side, as many were wounded and not healed, and there was always a pervasive sadness there. Once, a woman working for NARAL (we were always friendly to each other) blurted out to me in a green room before an interview, "Well, I've had an abortion" as if I would condemn her, and I just said, "I'm so sorry.  I'm sorry you had an abortion."  What else was there to say?

But with Norma McCorvey it always seemed especially sad, and that she was so deserving of love.  Reading Won by Love made me weep because she finally discovered a healthy, life-giving love.  Lots to ponder and be grateful for in reading that book.

I'm realized now I've never read former abortionist Bernard Nathanson's The Hand of God, and I have to remedy that this year.   There are probably other books I'm missing here. 

What are some of your favorites?

Life, Death & Catholic Medical Choices: Why Do I Need A Book Like This?

As I wrote in my Catholic Post review of Life, Death and Catholic Medical Choices, the excellent guide, virtually everyone would benefit from having this book on hand:


Some are thinking “I can go ask my parish priest, or read some encyclicals, or read some blogs about these tough issues.”  I say, yes to all of that, especially consulting your parish priest (who might have this book already).  But the well-reasoned and easy to read wisdom of centuries of Church teaching distilled in Life, Death and Catholic Medical Choices is a true treasure."


My own personal story wouldn't fit in my monthly print Post column, but I thought it would be helpful to share here.


In the last few years, both of my parents died within a few months of each other.  There were many medical moral issues that arose during the years before their death; that's pretty common, as I'm sure readers will agree who have had a loved one face death in recent years.


I feel enormously  blessed to be part of a large and trusting Catholic family.  Among parents, my siblings and spouses we had two physicians, too many lawyers to count, and a Catholic moral theologian.  The latter is my dear husband, who has a wealth of wisdom, in addition to a caring and patient personality that could explain and help us navigate through the medical care persons at the end of life. 


And yet with all of that, our family still grappled with issues of treatment and care.   I know that I  would have found this book enormously comforting and helpful to read and consult during that time.


Another factor for many families, and which helped ours tremendously, was a Catholic healthcare setting. Fortunately, after a number of less-than optimal settings, my parents at the very end lived in a Catholic nursing home staffed with caring professionals who were led by a small group of devout white-habited Carmelite sisters.  The nursing home's motto is "The difference is love," and I can't tell you what comfort those loving, well-formed professionals meant to our family.


There was a sad NY Times story over the weekend about the decline of religious sisters leading Catholic healthcare systems.  Keeping the Catholic vision in healthcare, in books like Life, Death & Catholic Medical Choices; is extremely important, I'm convinced.  In preparing my review, I read numerous other books about health care and end-of-life care, and the lack of Catholic vision can lead to some strange conclusions and muddled thinking.  


But keeping the Catholic healthcare we enjoy in our country (and especially in our local diocese, staffed with sisters and dedicated lay leaders) is another critical component to health care.    I'm not trying to say that great care can't occur in non-Catholic settings; I'm sure it does in many places.   But the Catholic history and vision of caring for the vulnerable, the sick and the dying is a treasure we must never underestimate.


What are your thoughts on this?  (Please overlook the strange font size changes, line spacing, and other "creative" things Blogger is arbitrarily applying to this post.  I can't seem to fix it.)

"Life, Death & Catholic Medical Choices" a True Treasure

Here is my column that appears in this weekend's Catholic Post.   I invite your feedback.

As Catholics, we are neither vitalists who believe in aggressive treatment “no matter what” nor utilitarians who believe in “life unless and until it’s convenient for me and mine.” 

We have a good and almost immediate understanding that our life is a gift from God.  We know that we are called to be stewards, not owners, of life.   Even so, medical decision-making in today’s environment can be a challenge.

That’s where a book like Life, Death and Catholic Medical Choices (50 Questions from the Pews) becomes indispensable.  Written by two moral theologians, Redemptorist Fr. Kevin O’Neil, and Australian diocesan priest Fr. Peter Black, this book provides sound, reasoned guidance on medical moral issues for anyone, Catholic or not.  The book is helpfully divided into three sections:  questions about the beginning of life (such as abortion, assisted reproductive technologies, adoption), life “in between” (questions relating to organ donation, cancer, and various other topics), and end of life care (such as palliative/hospice care, euthanasia, and  cremation).

I can just see half of my readers’ eyes glazing over and hear the other half saying, “What’s so different or great about that?”  With all due respect, listen up!

 The first half is thinking, “too technical,” to which I respond: Life, Death & Catholic Medical Choices is clear information about so many delicate moral questions, you will find yourself painlessly enlightened and educated.  The authors of this book make it look effortless, but be assured this kind of writing is difficult to get right.   Read casually or deeply, and find much food for thought and discussion.

To the second half, who is thinking, “I can go ask my parish priest, or read some encyclicals, or read some blogs about these tough issues.”  I say, yes to all of that, especially consulting your parish priest (who might have this book already).  But the well-reasoned and easy to read wisdom of centuries of Church teaching distilled in Life, Death and Catholic Medical Choices is a true treasure.   And while I love blogs, I write blogs, and some of my best friends are bloggers, one simply cannot replicate the beautifully written clear help this book provides through a blog or other Internet source, however well-intention or faithful to Church teaching.

I struggled with how to convey this last point, because I am so grateful for the Internet.  In particular, blogs and web articles that share people’s personal stories of conversion or struggling with Church issues are a terrific source for spiritual growth and learning.

But there’s a certain kind of blogger or Internet source (who shall remain nameless here) that, however well-intentioned, can be guilty of practicing theology without proper training, and this should be avoided just as much as we would avoid a non-medical person attempting triple-bypass surgery.  Just because someone slept at a Holiday Inn Express-- or has read a lot of Church documents--doesn’t guarantee good results when one tries to charitably explain or defend Church teaching accurately, especially on complicated and critical issues of life and death.  In this area, what’s most needed is loving and well-formed professionals.  Two of these have written Life, Death & Catholic Medical Choices.  Take advantage of their wisdom and guidance, and keep this book on hand.

Meet a Reader: Sue Wozniak, R.N.

How you know me:  I retired this month as COO of OSF St. Francis Medical Center, after a long career in nursing and hospital administration.  My husband, Ken, and I are members of St. Vincent parish in Peoria, and we have five children and four grandchildren.

Why I love reading:  Reading reduces stress and can take you away to fantasy land.  For me, reading, especially biographies of famous leaders, helps me to understand how other people make decisions.  Reading history helps me learn about living in the past.  I just love to read.

What I’m reading now:  I just finished reading Decision Points by George H.W. Bush, and I’m currently working my way through The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins.

My favorite book: My all-time favorite book is Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.  I also loved all the Cherry Ames mystery books (Cherry is a nurse) when I was a girl because I wanted to become a nurse, and I did!