Worth a Listen: Demand Your Dignity

Normally, I share here great songs that are inspiring, uplifting and/or are otherwise "worth a listen."  Today, it's this video.  Awesome! 

Take two minutes to watch this, and then share it with a young person you know. 

Q&A on the "Broken" Series by Mandi of Catholic Newlywed

This month on Reading Catholic, I am determined to share some of the great recent resoures on human sexuality out there.  This will include blogs, podcasts, and other resources I’ve encountered as I reviewed for this month’s column on two great new books, Adam & Eve After the Pill:  Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution by Mary Eberstadt and My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Dawn Eden.

Today, I’m honored to get a chance to introduce readers of Reading Catholic and The Catholic Post to Mandi, who writes a charming blog called, “Catholic Newlywed.”  Mandi began a series on her blog this year called “Broken,” that I want to share with The Catholic Post readers.  Mandi, thanks for your willingness to share, and for your great series that I hope even more people will discover.  Here's Mandi, her husband and daughter:

Q.  Tell Reading Catholic readers a little bit about yourself, your family, and how you began blogging.

I started my blog in late 2010, shortly after marrying my husband.  We had a long distance relationship, so when we married, I moved far away from my family and friends and was craving friendship with like-minded Catholic women.  Since then, we welcomed our first child, Lucia, last December and my blog is now a combination of faith, family life, keeping house, and the everyday musings of a Catholic wife and mother.

Q.  How did you get the idea for the “Broken” series?

I was in a “broken” relationship myself several years ago and continue to feel the scars it has left behind.  During the two and a half years that it lasted, I felt very alone and ashamed, without anyone to confide in.  In the time since then, I have realized that my experiences were not nearly as rare as I thought they were.  Slowly, I came to learn that many of the women I had daily contact with had been in similar damaging relationships, but we all felt isolated and alone.  “Broken” is an attempt to provide a channel for speaking out about these relationships.

Q.   What do you hope that women will take away from the “Broken” series?  

I started “Broken” in hopes that it would be a resource for women to gain knowledge, advice, and strength from others who have been in similar damaging relationships.  I believe that had I had more access to “real life” stories from other women, I would have been able to identify my relationship as abusive before it had gone too far and hopefully would have had the strength to get out early.  Discussing and reading about others’ experiences have also helped me to view mine more critically and finally heal some of those wounds.  I thought that if this has helped me, perhaps it will help other women.  My ultimate goal is that perhaps just one young woman will read these stories and be able to completely avoid damaging relationships because of them.

Q.   The series is primarily about women’s experiences.  Have you had any feedback from men, and what do you hope men reading the series will “get” from it?

This is a great question! I originally started this series for women and still tend to think of it as geared toward them; however, women are not the only victims of damaging relationships.  I recently received an email from a woman who shared that her son is in an abusive relationship.  I would love the opportunity to share stories of broken relationships from the male perspective, although I think that men are still a little more reticent about discussing those experiences (but all the more reason they need to be shared).  If there are any men that would like to write a piece, please don’t hesitate to contact me - your voice is important and I do publish pieces anonymously upon request!  


This series can benefit all men in that it gives them a window into the lives of women who have endured damaging relationships.  Since so many women will be in an abusive relationship of some kind in their lifetime, there is a high probability that a man will marry a woman who retains the scars of a past abusive relationship.  It’s important that they are able to understand and identify the scars that their loved ones carry.  Fathers also need to be aware of the kind of relationships that they need to prepare their daughters for and warn them against.  

Q.  Do you have a “favorite” or most-important to read in the series?  I read through each of the selections, and all were so important, well-written and handle tough topics sensitively.   In particular, the post titled, “He didn't really love me and want to protect me. He wanted to control me” was especially well-done.  Do you have one you consider a must-read?

I think they all discuss different important aspects of damaging relationships.  Each woman’s experience is different, so I think it is important to get as many stories as possible out there.  I’m hesitant to say that one is better than the other because each person will be affected by each one differently.  The ones that have been most healing for me based on my past experiences may not have the same meaning for someone else.  I think all the women who have shared have been extremely courageous in telling their story.

Q.  Do you see this as an ongoing series, or do you plan to wrap it up at some time in the future?

As long as there are people willing to share, I will be open to continuing the series.  I think there are many aspects that still need to be addressed.  Particularly, I would be interested in pieces from friends and family of those in damaging relationships.  I would also like pieces that are more advice-based in nature, for example, “how to identify warning signs of a damaging relationship,” or “what to do if someone you know was in an abusive relationship.”  

Q.   Is there anything else you would like to add, or wish I would have asked?

Many of the pieces that have been written so far have dealt with physical or sexual abuse; however, I envisioned the series to include all relationships that are “damaging”.  Many women (and men) have been in relationships  that have left them feeling broken even though their relationships may not meet the definition of abusive.  Relationships in which one person is constantly belittled, in which infidelity is a factor, or which left one (or both) members scarred is a broken relationship.  These stories have a place in the series as well. 


Although I have already addressed this in several questions above, I would like to add that I am always taking new pieces.  If someone reading this feel like he/she has something to contribute, even if it isn’t on a topic I’ve specific addressed interest in, please contact me at catholicnewlywed@gmail.com.

After the Revolution, Rotten Fruit, Discouragement--And Hope: July 2012 Column

During my college years in the 1980s, I was a (nominal) cradle Catholic, and fairly immersed in the college culture of the time.  I was especially drawn to various trendy, or what we called back in the day “politically correct,” ideas and philosophies.

Exhibit A: I thought Gloria Steinem, who spoke at our campus, was glamorous and made terrific sense.

All joking about Gloria Steinem aside, by far the most memorable speaker was a beautiful young woman, a former porn film worker, who gave a speech  (from a feminist perspective) on the evils of pornography.

It gave me--to this day--an implacable hatred of porn as something bad for women and corrosive to society.

I’m incredibly grateful for that speaker, who opened my eyes at such an early age of the high cost of “anything goes.”  But it was awful to sit through and to hear.

Mary Eberstadt’s Adam and Eve After the Pill: Paradoxes of the Sexual Revolution reminds me of hearing that speech.  This book is not enjoyable –in fact, reading it can be downright discouraging.  But it is a must-read in understanding, “the moral core of the sexual revolution (is) the abundant evidence that its fruits have been rottenest for women and children.”

Every single essay-chapter is important and stands alone.  It’s hard to pick out a best chapter, but “The Will to Disbelieve” is crucial in setting up the notion that society at large is largely ignoring the clear results of the sexual revolution, much the same way the “the moral facts about the Cord War remained disputed at the highest intellectual levels, especially on American campuses, until about two seconds before the Berlin Wall came down.”

Perhaps the only hopeful chapter of Adam and Eve After the Pill is “‘Pedophia Chic’ Then and Now” which outlines how just a few short decades ago, pedophilia was more in vogue and even defended in the public square such as mainstream magazine articles.  Ebertstadt writes that it is “a small case of small but real moral progress that bodes a little better for the youngest and most innocent among us, even as it confirms that the sexual revolution has made the world a more dangerous place for them.” 

Hope may be hard to come by when reading Adam and Eve After the Pill, but hope and peace suffuse My Peace I Give You: Healing Sexual Wounds with the Help of the Saints by Catholic convert Dawn Eden.

In many ways, My Peace I Give You is a personal testimonial to the rotten fruits documented in Adam and Eve After the Pill.  As a child of divorce, Eden experienced sexual abuse in various settings, then as a young adult lived promiscuously to “take control” of her sexuality.  But wholeness and true happiness remained elusive.

In Eden’s 2006 international bestseller, The Thrill of the Chaste, Eden wrote about discovering the appeal that modesty and sexual restraint offer, but had not yet come to terms with the legacy of abuse in her life.

   

During and after her conversion to Catholicism, Eden sees that healing from those sexual wounds is ongoing and a work of the Holy Spirit, through specific saints who provide solace on the journey.

As she writes to the many who are childhood sexual abuse victim, “I want you to know you are not alone, you are not forgotten, and you have more friends in heaven than you realize.”

My Peace I Give You is part memoir and part meditations on what the saints can teach us about wholeness of body, mind and spirit, even in the face of searing memories and experiences. 

Some of the saints in My Peace I Give You are victims of sexual abuse; some are not; but in Eden’s heartfelt and careful reflection, all have something to offer those who have undergone abuse, or those whose hearts breaks for them.

This column appears on the book page of the print Catholic Post this weekend.  It's an interesting, I would venture to say providential, "coincidence," that this review appears here on the feast day of St. Maria Goretti.  Eden in particular has an insightful chapter in her book My Peace I Give You on this much-known but little-understood saint.